[ameliorate] • to make better, more bearable, or more satisfactory.

a constant strive for improvement.
the occasional feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.
sacrificing the ego for the betterment of all.

wanting to be someone that allows people to grow,
to make people and situations better.
setting out to encourage instead of criticizing and condemning.

work in progress.
the best is yet to come.

[interminable] • continuing for too long, wearisomely protracted

winter just won't go.
when we are unable to make it happen.
when things don’t move on.

feels like running on a treadmill sometimes.
feeling like you got some tempo, but not getting anywhere.
the pace doesn’t feel in sync with reality.
i guess i can not just outrun everything.

or

waiting in anticipation but falling asleep in the present.
passive and seemingly paralyzed because we don’t seem to have an influence.
missing out just to run after things later.

occasionally it is just going too slow, or not fast enough.

[falter] • to lose momentum, stop being effective and making progress.

when the peak does not seem to get any closer, when if feels like with every step forward you slide two steps back.

sometimes all the work we put in doesnt translate to the outcome we wish for. when circumstances can be described as an uphill battle. maybe its just not supposed to happen, but how would one know without continuing to try or getting a definite answer.

loosing momentum is one of the things im most uncomfortable with, one of the things i am afraid of. but i can see how it makes room to refocus and allows for a change of direction.

[determination] • the ability to continue trying to do something, although it is very difficult or against the odds.

driven by the goal,
loosing fear of the current circumstances,
focused on the obstacle.

determination can be good or bad, it’s never perfect.
there is power in in it that leads to perseverance,
it can also make you loose all sense of direction.
it can lead to success, or it can lead to loneliness.

it is pointing towards a goal, but focuses solely on the now.
determination is a state of discomfort but can be a positive emotion.
a word indicating a lot of tension.

thankful for friends that keep me sane.
for the people that have my back.

[ascent] • the act of rising or mounting upwards.

romanticizing the uphill battle,
the individual steps are getting harder hand harder,
but the destination is getting closer, stride by stride.

when circumstances seem unfair but it doesn’t matter, because the reward is worth it.
the beauty of the struggle, because it shows strength and perseverance.
feeling the rhythm sink in and every next step become less painful than the previous one

climbing the mountain with an expectant mindset.
not taking pride in the progress but learning to accept the hardships and let them be turned to growth.
trusting that i will end up as an ascended version of the person that took the first step.

chasing the light.

[inconspicuous] • not easily or quickly noticed or seen, not attracting attention.

hidden in plain sight.
inside the fog you get the beauty of the ambience, from the outside it’s just fog.
a downpour could turn to a peaceful snowdance.

learning to notice beauty at second or third glance.
making adventures simple & normal days special.
daring to find an adventure on a gloomy & rainy monday afternoon.

the things we don’t notice until further exploration, the things not attracting our attention, they have lots of unexplored potential. excited & dedicated to explore the unobtrusive.

[inefficacy] • lack of power to produce a desired effect.

i can not do it by myself.
a cold reality i face from time to time, because i still somehow forget.
a truth that is always hard to accept.
but the moments when i am humbled are the moments where i get built up.

allowing weakness is a subtle quality.
allowing weakness is allowing others to show their strength.
there is strength in my weakness.

when i am weak, i am made strong.

[solidity] • the condition of soundness & steadfastness.

the roots for the tree, the sole for the shoe, the bone for the muscle, the foundation to the house.
a base to build on. room for growth and creation. the needed space to invision the uprise.

fundamental trust & confidence without pride.
still learning a lot that shapes the ground for my future.

[gratitude] • the quality of thankfulness & readyness to show appreciation.

it takes courage to to pause the forward motion, to reflect, to reminisce.
it takes vulnerability to show appreciation and love.
if it leads to gratitude its more than worth it.
gratitude is knowing that all good things are a gift to be thankful for.

[odyssey] • a long eventful journey.

on an adventure thats meagerly embraced.
came so far, yet its only the beginning.
navigating a cross-country trip with the suburb framework.

How did i get here ?
Where do i go from here?

odyssey puts it in heroic perspective

[joyfulness] • a state of well-being and contentment.

a promise, a decision, a feeling, a focus.
decluttering my vision and focusing on the origin of joyfulness.
finding joy through truth, gratefulness and the simple things.

- add one more l.

[pilgrimage] • a journey to a sacred place.

a process of taking individually insignificant-seeming steps forward. lingering in anticipation.
it’s implying a clear direction and objective but is solely able to address the journey.

that abstractly describes some of my currently frequent thoughts.